Balancing Work and Life

Before establishing my coaching practice, I was blessed with a long and successful career in the broadcasting business. Today I work with professionals from many walks of life and with few exceptions, they want to achieve a better balance between their personal and professional lives. Balance became such a hot topic; it drove me to learn more about how I might support my clients more effectively.

What I've come to believe is that most of us are either driven by our goals for the future or pulled down by the troubles of our past rather than being inspired by the opportunities we have in the present. For example, when focused on the future, a specific goal or desired outcome, we are like a laser beam. We are so dialed into achieving the end result that we overlook the opportunities that are right under our noses. We work ourselves into a frenzy and expect our families and friends understand because we are driven and hard-wired to succeed. But at what cost to us and our personal lives?

When people would ask what I did for a living, my standard answer was that I was a high wire act in a competitive arena. Sort of a kooky answer, but it was true! Like many industries, the television business was viciously competitive and the analogy of a high-wire act seemed appropriate.

The formal name for a high-wire artist is a funambulist. Isn't that a hoot? Funambulists maintain their balance by carrying a balancing pole that may be as long as 39 feet and weigh up to 31 pounds. These high-wire artists use flexible, drooping poles, rather than rigid ones. They stay balanced by holding onto the middle of the pole. If their focus is anywhere but in the middle of the pole, they would surely lose their balance and fall to their death.

Humor me for a moment and visualize us as funambulists walking a tight rope called life. On one end of the 39 foot pole is our future, the other end our past. Our pole is flexible and forgiving and allows us to make appropriate adjustments in order to maintain our balance. If we focus on the middle of the pole, which is our present, we stay balanced and will ultimately achieve our goal of getting to our desired destination. If we focus too much on either our past or our future, we will suffer the consequences. It may result in an unhappy spouse or our kids getting into trouble because we weren't there when they needed our help or guidance. It may be that friends stop calling because we're always working and never available, so why should they bother?

I'm not suggesting giving up your life's goals. They are critically important to set and achieve. What I suggest is softening our grip on our past as well as our future and allowing ourselves to over respond to the present by drinking in the day and all that comes with it. If we do that, we will achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Let's ask ourselves what we can do today to achieve more balance in our work and our life. How about leaving the office on time? Maybe we could stop to pick up a card or flowers for someone special on the way home. How about helping the kids with their homework or making good on the promise to attend that soccer game? Whatever it is, today is the day to start.

Let's both grab the pole in the middle and start walking!

One Powerful Word: Your Guide For 2010

Now that we are well into the New Year, let's take a look at your list and see how many of those New Year's resolutions are working for you.

Bummer.

It is not that we don't want to lose weight or go to the gym, we do! We want to read more, spend quality time with our spouse and children. And we have a burning desire to be punctual and keep our office neat and tidy. So why is it that, even with a strong commitment and best intentions, our resolutions get tossed out the window by mid-January? Maybe we should resolve never to make resolutions!

The best example of someone who doesn't bother to make resolutions is my friend Anne. She is an accomplished artist. She is very visual and chooses to view life and all it has to offer through amazing eyes. Needless to say, Anne does not live by a list of shoulds and should nots.

Rather than write a list of resolutions, Anne picks a word for the year. One word. That word is the filter she uses to help her make decisions and determine her direction in the coming year. The idea of choosing a word sounded like a lot more fun than making a list of stuff that I hoped for but probably wouldn't do!

I'm happy to report that this is the fourth year I have chosen a word to help me navigate the coming year. I love my word. I chose it. I own it. It is my word for my day, my week and my life in 2010. It will serve as a guide for my decisions, thoughts, words and actions.

Anne's idea of choosing a word for the year has had such an impact on my life that I have started doing the same with my coaching clients. Last year, a client was dealing with drastic, unwelcomed and painful changes. The two words she chose were intended to help her view the changes with eager anticipation rather than dread. She chose the words EXPLORE and DISCOVER. Those two powerful words helped her get through 2009 with flying colors. This year, she has chosen HOPE. I have no doubt her word will serve her well.

So what word or words would you choose for the coming year? Take a few days to think it through. After all, it's got to be a pretty powerful word to carry you through an entire year! Visualize who, what and where you want to be at the end of this year then choose the word or words best suited to guide you toward that vision.

As an illustration, let me offer a few examples of words I might suggest for others to guide them through 2010...

• Tiger Woods - Monogamy
• Conan O'Brien - Perseverance
• Barack Obama - Really Change
• Bill O'Reilly - Humility
• Simon Cowell - Courtesy

It is my hope and prayer that all of you reading this will choose a word that will serve as your guide to help you achieve your ultimate goal this year!

All the best in 2010!

Jean-Ann Cooper

Opportunity: You Must See It To Seize It!

In order to succeed, we must stay positive and truly believe that even in a tough market, great opportunities exist. We need to embrace the fact that optimism is non-negotiable in our quest for success! For some, optimism comes naturally. If you're not one of those, optimism can be learned and practiced.

Case in point...
It was early in the 2nd quarter in Monday Night's game between the Indianapolis Colts and the Miami Dolphins. The Colts were trailing and the count was 3rd and 8. Quarterback Peyton Manning calls for a no-huddle, hurry up offense and as soon as the ball is snapped, the penalty flags fly! Miami had 12 men on the field, costing them a 5 yard penalty. Now on 3rd and 3, Manning passes the ball to Reggie Wayne for a 1st down. That drive resulted in a 3 point field goal to tie the game. Manning, paying close attention to his opponents, saw confusion on Miami's sidelines, hurried the play call and caught his opponent off guard....opportunity seized!

The stats at the end of the game told an even better story. The Colts only had possession of the football for 15 of the 60 minutes played and yet, they won the game. The sideline announcer asked Manning how they won with so few scoring opportunities. Manning replied, "We believe that when we get the ball, we have to do everything we can to be effective." Bottom line, every time they saw an opportunity, they seized it!

Are you hoping or are you actively looking for a great opportunity? In order to see them, you must expect them. More importantly, you must believe you are ready to take full advantage of every opportunity that presents itself.

Is this a scary economy? An unstable marketplace? Heck yes, it is! But you have a choice. Would you prefer to keep your head down and mope about how tough things are or would you rather hold your head up high, looking for every opportunity out there?

Over the years, Peyton Manning trained himself to look for any and all opportunities. His enthusiasm and love for the game is what drives him each and every play. That brand of enthusiasm cannot co-exist with doubt, failure, greed, jealousy, procrastination, fear or hatred. It only thrives on positive thought and action.

Choose to see the opportunities...then seize them!

Plan Your Escape From The Land Of Shoulds

Escaping from the "Land of Shoulds", is a ritual, an annual rite of passage. It usually lasts 7-14 days and it is typically a summertime activity. I call it escaping, most call it vacation. During that time, strange things happen...

None of your friends or family calls or stops by the house because they know you are on vacation.

The boss does not expect you to attend the weekly staff meeting and coworkers happily cover for you. After all, you are on vacation.

Your neighbors feed your dog, pick up the mail and turn the porch light on each night. They have always taken care of things while you are on vacation.

Why call it "Escape from the Land of Shoulds"? Because it seems to be the one and only time we allow ourselves the luxury of doing exactly what we want to do without anything or anyone standing in our way. Obligations, chores, work, all of it gets put aside. It is a wonderful gift we give to ourselves.

Lately, the topic has come up with a few of my coaching clients about whether or not they should (ugh...that word again!) take a vacation. Travel is expensive and money is tight. Some fear their employers will question their commitment, others wonder if it is fair to burden their coworkers by leaving, even for a few days.

So here's the question....

What are your plans to escape, relax and recharge your battery?

If a full blown vacation isn't in the cards there are still a few things you can do to get away this summer. If you are interested, grab your calendar. Choose one week of the month and boldly label it "vacation". During that one week, follow these simple rules:

1. Do not go into the office early and do not stay late. You have plans. Remember, this is only for one week. You can do this.

2. Do not check your personal or business e-mails at night. That includes not checking your CrackBerry or MePhone either! All e-mails will be waiting for you in the morning.

3. Do not make or take any personal or business phone calls at night. You are simply not available and will happily call them tomorrow.

4. Do not work that weekend...period. No cheating on this one!

5. Extend all the invitations you want to friends and family, but do not accept any unless it is something you truly want to do. This is not the week for shoulds.

6. Do as little cooking, cleaning and laundry as humanly possible. If you do not have help cleaning your house regularly, hire someone for that week. It will be worth it, I promise!

If you commit to these few things just one week a month through the summer, you will feel the difference in your stress level. You will have more time and energy to do the things you want to do. That my friend, is what a vacation is for.

Faithfully do this for a few months and you may end up creating your own monthly ritual. Think about how great it would be to take one week every month and focus on you, your family and the fun you plan together.

http://www.cooperworldwidecoaching.com

I Nearly Missed It!

Here it is, April 30th and I was just informed that April is National Stress Awareness Month! Geez! That truly is the story of my life. I always seem to be too busy or stressed out to plug into what's going on in the world around me. Does that hold true for you too?

Our lives are full of hassles, deadlines, frustrations and demands. For many of us, stress is so commonplace that it has become a way of life. How sad is that? Especially since long term exposure to stress can really mess with your health. It can lead to heart disease, compromise our immune systems, cause sleep and digestive problems and any number of other physical ailments.

The scary part for me is that stress can actually rewire the brain leaving us more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Heck, I'm depressed that I missed out on the other 29 days of National Stress Awareness Month!

Stress comes from both external and internal factors. The external things like work, financial issues, or relationship difficulties are something that we all struggle with and while we can control some of those things, most are out of our control.

The internal factors are the ones we can control because these are all self-generated. Things like pessimism, the inability to accept uncertainty, negative self talk and unrealistic expectations and perfectionism. Really, how are those things working for you?

Maybe finding out about National Stress Awareness Month on the last day is sort of a blessing. I only have to be aware of my stress today. Tomorrow, I can go back to my normal routine of running around with my hair on fire and knowing that it's just another day.

How comforting.

Know What It Takes To Make A Good Decision

Faced with important decisions, most of us seek the counsel of our family, close friends and trusted colleagues. We discuss our options and how our family, career, income and our friends might be impacted. We seem to be more comfortable when we have gathered lots of opinions before making a final decision in hopes we get "the nod" of acceptance we are looking for.

Well I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s about the worst possible way to make a good decision!

Of course you want to consider how your decision will impact your life and those closest to you. You may even feel compelled to hear their opinions, but your decision must be your own for it to be a good one. Why? Because it is your life and in order to make a good decision, it has to fit into the vision you have for your life.

Here’s an example of an all too common exchange…

YOU: “I’m thinking about moving to Anywhere, USA for a great job opportunity. It’s everything I’d ever hoped for and since I value your opinion, I thought I'd run it by you first.”

THEM: “Holy crap! You can’t do that! What will (fill in the blank) think? What about me? I would miss you so much! I thought you liked your job. I can’t imagine why you’d even think of such a thing.”

See the problem? Both of you are worried about how the decision will impact everyone else but you!

In order to make the best decision for our lives, we must have the following:

1. A strong personal foundation

2. A clear vision of the life we truly want

Once we have those two things firmly in place, we can look at each opportunity presented to us to see if it fits into our lives.

Over a period of time, a client and I used the coaching process to help her clearly define the life she wanted for her and her children. As a single mom, she wanted a new career that would afford her a solid income and the flexibility she needed to be a good parent for her two young kids. She put in the time and effort and clearly defined her personal foundation and vision. Once those were in place, she searched and found a great career opportunity that fit into her life, rather than just getting a job and then trying to squeeze a few paltry hours out of it so that she might have a life.

She called me out of the blue last week and said, “I've been offered this amazing opportunity with my company and I don’t know what to do!” After talking for a just a few minutes, it became clear to her that this great opportunity didn’t fit her personal vision. The money was good, but the opportunity didn't offer the flexibility she needed. In less than 10 minutes, her decision was made.

She said, “Wow, I can’t believe that was so easy! In the past, I would have jumped at the money and in a few months I would’ve found myself regretting the decision and feeling stuck once again just like I had done so many times over the years”.

If your life has purpose and your goals are in line with your values, success takes on a whole new meaning. Decisions are easier to make because you have a template, a blueprint to compare them to and determine the fit. When decisions are easier, life is easier. Instead of wasting precious time and energy on something that doesn’t make sense, we reserve that energy for things that really matter!

I don’t recall where I found the quote below but I have always loved it and hope you take it to heart...

Things that matter most

must never be placed at the mercy

of things that matter least

That my friend deserves an AMEN!

The Power to Choose: Watch, Wonder Or Make Things Happen

Tommy Lasorda is best remembered as the colorful, charismatic manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Somewhere between a bite of a Dodger dog and sipping a really cold beer, he boldly stated that there were three kinds of people in the world. He said, "As I see it, there are those who watch things happen, those who wonder what happened, and those who make things happen."

When I look back at the events that have shaped my life to date, I have a few options. I can blame others, question why it happened, give credit to someone else or stand tall and call it mine. What I can't do is deny that in all my life's experiences, I am the common denominator. Yep, I was there for everything! And I am both happy and horrified to admit that some of it has been great, some not so pretty and some even downright embarrassing! Still, it's all mine to claim.

Ask yourself what you have allowed to shape your life? Is it a great career choice or an unexpected change, a painful layoff or fabulous promotion? Maybe it was a health scare or a winning lottery ticket. Are you blessed with a great spouse and kids or are you still reeling from an ugly divorce, a broken engagement or a disagreement with a now estranged family member?

The bottom line is that we have all had defining moments in our lives. If you haven't had one yet (I'm old, so I get to say this) trust me, you will. And if you're anything like me...you'll have many!

Whatever that defining moment was, maybe using the Tommy Lasorda measuring stick isn't such a bad thing. Are you ready? Look at each pivitol point in your life to date, take a big breath, dig deep and ask yourself these questions...

Did you watch it happen?

Are you wondering how it happened?

Did you make it happen?

The obvious question to follow is: What part of your life are you willing to own?

Clients hire me for different reasons. Most want more time, less stress, more money or a different career. A few have asked me to help them become a different person; to completely reinvent themselves.

As a coach...even as a garden variety human, I find the whole idea of trying to reinvent myself or anyone else exhausting! Wouldn't it be better if we would just commit to doing the work to find out what we need to be happy, healthy and whole? Once we know that, we have a much better chance of getting our needs met.

Easy? Not so much. Possible? Absolutely!

Does finding your true calling and passion take a bunch of therapy? For some, I would say maybe...for others no. What it requires is a commitment to dig deep, ask the right questions, stand tall, listen for our own response, pray, read, explore, get a mentor, hire a coach...whatever it takes...it is well worth our time and attention.

Please don't mistake this as self promotion, I have a coach too! I have finally discovered my core needs and what it takes for me to be happy. It was a big job, but it has proven to be well worth the time and effort.

It is through knowing ourselves that we become empowered, confident and willing to take an active role in determining where our life is headed. And if anyone is going to determine our life's path and passions, it should be us.

Start today. Choose Today. After all, isn't that why it's called "your life"?

All my best,

Jean-Ann
http://www.cooperworldwidecoaching.com